Finding myself again

 Getting through the day over and over again has been the routine. Dealing with appointments for the kids, doing the laundry, cleaning the house playing on the computer while the baby naps pretty much sums up my daytime routine. I am tired of it. I am tired of watching a tv show and thinking will I ever get to experience different things again that I enjoy just for me?
 I love being a mom and a wife but I often think what happened to me, the answer- I have hidden her under a huge pile of life events. I am the only one who can change how I structure my day and how I see myself. It will happen and I will know who I am once more. Until then it's time to organize and reflect and allow myself to have faith in ability to change in a way that makes me feel whole.

Foul Play....

Originally a movie in 1978 starring Goldie Hawn & Chevy Chase tells a story of a librarian & cop who fall inlove as they work on solving a case. The movie has an unusual type of cast of dwarfs, an albino man and the Catholic church. I liked this movie as a kid and recently have begun to ponder the potential cast were it remade today.
Gloria Munday - Kate Hudson, versatile characters over the course of her career thus far. Would be an amazing feat to see her cast in the role once done by her mother. Hudson may look like Hawn, but, is a talented actress in her own right.
Tony Carlson  -  This is a tough one because this character is a bit more rugged yet charming so the current lean pretty-boy type will not do this character justice. My choice is John Corbett with Hudson. I love their chemistry & feel together they would capture the qualities of these characters as they should be.
Whitey Jackson (the albino)- I firmly believe Paul Bettany would can play this person to perfection.
Stanley Tibbets - Some may say Russell Brand but I would disagree. I think this is the role Matthew McConaughey would be excellent in.
Mr. Hennessey- Micheal Caine
Archbishop Thorncrest- Anthony Hopkins


So far these are the people that I feel would blend well as a cast to pull a theater worthy remake off. You don't have to agree or even like the movie but, I love movies and am typically not a fan of remakes when the original was well made to begin with.

Tired of bleh

Some days I feel like the world is a blur and I am struggling to latch on to something solid so there can be focus. Feeling disconnected is not fun, not my goal and not what I am willing to accept. To disarray I say be gone. I am no longer going to lie there and accept the interference. I am more and it's time I accept no less.

Summer Vacation

   Seems as though I get my vacation when the kids are in school. Don't get me wrong I love my kids dearly but having them home makes it more difficult to get things accomplished in the time frame I have become accustomed too. Trying to keep the kids busy and away from the electronic babysitter is getting easier though, since they are told unless they can afford the electric bill it's Mom's way. 

We have survived 4 weeks now and oddly enough having an infant and 2 ADHD boys and a curious daughter, my patience has been excellent. They are catching on fast to when Mom says "no" the answer will not change and crying and begging and self pity guilt trips do not work on me :)

On the radio...

I wonder if there really is such thing as decency anymore. After dropping the husband off at work I turn on the radio to my favorite morning station and get the most current update for interstate traffic and am anxiously awaiting the next song to come on. Then I hear it, a commercial for free adult videos with the purchase of other adult items. At this point I look at the clock, yep I am right it is not even 9am yet and yet there on my radio they say if I buy from that company I get free adult videos. Um...ok...at this point of the day I haven't even had my second cup, (ok big mug), of coffee and am not interested in hearing that as I try to enjoy my quiet morning drive home.

Clouds can be good too.

I love the glorious feeling outside when the clouds roll in right before it rains. Sunshine is nice for some, but to me the sudden drop in temperature as the cool breeze shows itself is truly amazing.  That is the happy moment I can relish in as summer  nears and the oppressive heat and humidity prepare to force themselves upon us. 
Did I mention I love cool weather.

Making time

     I recently had my fourth child and am dealing with postpartum depression. At my final check-up my Dr gave me a hug said I was not a bad mom for feeling they way I do and I needed to make time for me and cannot expect to be around my baby and kids all the time and perhaps I should go the local festival.
I am obviously depressed, have 4 kids, 2 with ADHD mind you, and you tell me I need to go to a festival where thousands of people will be?
   I was floored, I have had this man as my Dr for 8 years and thus to me therein lies the problem, he is a man. Yes he personally has never given birth nor had a c-section as I have. I do not think I am a bad mom, I am a stay at home mom, there is no time off.

  I have since decided time for a new Dr.