Tired of bleh

Some days I feel like the world is a blur and I am struggling to latch on to something solid so there can be focus. Feeling disconnected is not fun, not my goal and not what I am willing to accept. To disarray I say be gone. I am no longer going to lie there and accept the interference. I am more and it's time I accept no less.

Summer Vacation

   Seems as though I get my vacation when the kids are in school. Don't get me wrong I love my kids dearly but having them home makes it more difficult to get things accomplished in the time frame I have become accustomed too. Trying to keep the kids busy and away from the electronic babysitter is getting easier though, since they are told unless they can afford the electric bill it's Mom's way. 

We have survived 4 weeks now and oddly enough having an infant and 2 ADHD boys and a curious daughter, my patience has been excellent. They are catching on fast to when Mom says "no" the answer will not change and crying and begging and self pity guilt trips do not work on me :)

On the radio...

I wonder if there really is such thing as decency anymore. After dropping the husband off at work I turn on the radio to my favorite morning station and get the most current update for interstate traffic and am anxiously awaiting the next song to come on. Then I hear it, a commercial for free adult videos with the purchase of other adult items. At this point I look at the clock, yep I am right it is not even 9am yet and yet there on my radio they say if I buy from that company I get free adult videos. Um...ok...at this point of the day I haven't even had my second cup, (ok big mug), of coffee and am not interested in hearing that as I try to enjoy my quiet morning drive home.

Clouds can be good too.

I love the glorious feeling outside when the clouds roll in right before it rains. Sunshine is nice for some, but to me the sudden drop in temperature as the cool breeze shows itself is truly amazing.  That is the happy moment I can relish in as summer  nears and the oppressive heat and humidity prepare to force themselves upon us. 
Did I mention I love cool weather.

Making time

     I recently had my fourth child and am dealing with postpartum depression. At my final check-up my Dr gave me a hug said I was not a bad mom for feeling they way I do and I needed to make time for me and cannot expect to be around my baby and kids all the time and perhaps I should go the local festival.
I am obviously depressed, have 4 kids, 2 with ADHD mind you, and you tell me I need to go to a festival where thousands of people will be?
   I was floored, I have had this man as my Dr for 8 years and thus to me therein lies the problem, he is a man. Yes he personally has never given birth nor had a c-section as I have. I do not think I am a bad mom, I am a stay at home mom, there is no time off.

  I have since decided time for a new Dr.